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The ‘Least Watched’ Holiday Movies of All Time

December 18, 2019

Why watch a great holiday movie when you can watch a really bad one? Most people have seen Home Alone, but how many have seen Santa Clause Conquers the Martians? Sometimes bad movies are just fun to watch.  Many are just plain unwatchable.  Check here before you decide to binge watch all of the A Christmas Story films or wonder why Santa needs help from a giant bunny. We have the worst holiday movies of all time ranked from most watchable to the least watched.

Santa with Muscles

A young Hulk Hogan portrays a celebrity body builder with amnesia who thinks he is Santa Clause. He saves an orphanage from an evil scientist and his minions. This movie made it on several “worst movie” lists but it is very family friendly and watchable.  Young boys ages 7 – 9 will really enjoy it.  Hulk Hogan’s acting isn’t as bad as one might think.  Trivia: The orphan named Sara is played by a then 13 year old Mila Kunis in one of her earliest roles. Best scene: The family friendly action scenes that children will love.  Best line: Heard by a bystander during a fight scene, “Watch out he’s got a candy cane.”   This family comedy isn’t as bad as its reputation, making it the most watchable movie on the list.

Santa Clause Conquers the Martians

Santa Clause Conquers the Martians is a campy 1964 film in which Martians kidnap Santa (and two Earth children) and take them to the Red Planet in order to make toys for the unhappy Martian children.  Trivia: The Martian guns are Wham-O Air Blasters, a popular toy at the time.  Best Scene in the Movie: The fight between Santa Clause and the evil Martians is filmed similar to the fight scenes in the Bat Man television series that premiered in 1966. The Best Line in the Movie: Santa Clause, “Oh no, I’m not tired. But my finger is.”  If you are into to B movies and old science fiction movies; then this one can be fun with a spiked cup of eggnog at your side. For this reason, Santa Clause Conquers the Martians is the second most watchable movie on the list.

Pilgrim

Pilgrim is a home invasion/slasher film centered on Pilgrims. A suburban housewife invites what she thinks are Thanksgiving role players into her home in an effort to bring her family closer together.  Except these aren’t role players, they are a cult set out to make families appreciate the simpler things in life through torture and murder. Trivia: Part of Hulu’s Into the Dark series. Best Scene in Movie:  When the wife uses her husband’s severed head as a weapon. The Best Line in the Movie:  Pilgrim Ethan, “The waters were so rough he was sick in his own bucket hat.” If you like horror movies and are tired of the same old holly jolly Christmas theme — this movie is for you.

A Christmas Story 2

A Christmas Story 2 The classics should never be messed with and A Christmas Story 2 is the perfect example. Ralphie is now old enough to drive and he wants a car.  The funniest and most tender moments in A Christmas Story are poorly repackaged.  Grown up Ralphie’s ramblings are annoying.  Trivia: This is actually the 4th film in the series. The second was Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss and the third is It Runs in the Family. Best Scene in Movie: When Ralphie’s father finds his women’s leg lamp.   Best Line in Movie: A girl asks Santa for a Slinky. Santa replies: “You waited in line 2 hours to ask for a bed spring?”

Jack and Jill

Adam Sandler has done great movies;but this isn’t one of them. Jack’s twin sister Jill is visiting for Thanksgiving and she turns Jack’s world upside down. Sandler plays both Jack and Jill. Instead of being funny, this movie is stupid. Even with a high quality cast which includes Al Pacino and Katie Holmes – Jack and Jill still managed to win every category at that year’s Razzie Awards. Trivia: Johnny Depp is wearing a Justin Bieber t-shirt in a cameo. Best Scene: Al Pacino doing Shakespeare. Best line: Jill (after breaking Pacino’s Oscar) “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry. I’m sure you have others, though.” Pacino: “You think it, but, oddly enough, I don’t.”

Ernest Saves Christmas

Remember all those Ernest movies from back in the late 1980’s? Not really? Ernest Saves Christmas is why you don’t. The slap stick comedy is predictable and the gags are poor. It tries to be heartwarming but doesn’t quite make it. Trivia: This is the first Ernest film in which Auntie Nelda appears. Best scene(s) in the movie: The reindeer eating their way through the airport holding area.  Best line in film: Ernest, “No, there’s only one person authorized to operate this sack. His big, red, oneness: The Clause”

The Magic Christmas Tree

On Halloween a boy helps an old witch get her cat, Lucifer, out of a tree. As a reward she gives him a seed that, when planted, grows into a magical Christmas tree. The boy gets 3 wishes, one of which is to have Santa all to himself, thus denying Christmas toys to children around the world. Trivia: The movie rips off the bad witch from The Wizard of Oz. Best scene: The tree talks. Best Line in the movie: The witch calls her cat: “Lucifer.”

Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas

Actually, no he doesn’t. This film will rip the Christmas Spirit right out of you. It starts off well enough; preachy but it is a religious holiday after all. Cameron sits by the fire sermonizing on how everyone is a little nicer around Christmas.  But; Cameron’s brother has lost the Christmas spirit because of all the emphasis on expensive presents and not on the true meaning of the holiday.  Cameron tells his brother God wants us to be rich and famous.  Um…then why was Jesus born in a manger with a poor shepherd as his earthly father?  (Editor’s note: There’s nothing wrong with being rich but there is nothing wrong with being low income, either.) The message of this movie is so controversial that it has ministers speaking out against it. Trivia:  Cameron blamed the film’s bad reviews on, “haters and atheists.”  Best scene: The first 30 seconds then it’s all downhill from there.  Best line: There is none. They are only bad and worst lines: Cameron, “Don’t buy into the complaint about materialism during Christmas…This is a celebration of the eternal God taking on a material body. So, it’s right that our holiday be marked with material things.” (Another Editor’s note: This line sounds like a joke but it was said in all seriousness.)

Santa Clause and the Ice Cream Bunny

Santa’s sleigh is stuck in the sand on a beach.  Why is Santa on the beach? How did he get stuck in the sand? Where are his reindeer? Why is Santa relying on children for help? Why are many of the backgrounds in black and white while the people in the foreground are in color?  This movie raises lots of questions but offers no answers. Trivia: Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn are in the movie because a Tom Sawyer movie was in production but canned after only one day of filming. That footage was used to pad this movie. A bad movie added to pad another bad movie does not equal a good one. Best scene in movie: Um…. Nope.   Best line in the movie: Santa asks a series of questions but offers no answers,  “What is that? What is that I hear? Where’s it coming from?“

Santa Clause (1959)

Also known as Santa Clause vs. the Devil.  It’s Christmas eve and the devil schemes to ruin Christmas by convincing children to do bad things.  Santa’s helpers are children from around the world. The opening scene is 6 minutes long and features Santa’s helpers in ethnic and very stereotyped groups singing and dancing. Trivia: Despite being considered one of the worst movies ever made, it has a cult following and a 50th anniversary documentary was released.  Best Scene in Movie: There isn’t one and this is why it is ranked the least watchable movie on this list.  Best Line: Not a line but a sound. Santa’s laugh is creepier than the devil’s. 

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